Breaking News: Mom makes $379/day Working From Home

I was innocently browsing the internet when suddenly a site which I have no memory of requesting came up in a new window. It was a strange and disconcerting experience. Somehow I must have serendipitously entered the exact URL of the website and then accidentally hit enter. That, or I have a severe, undiagnosed neuro/psychological condition. So I have taken the initiative and started several correspondences with leading neurologists and other applicable medical experts to determine if it is due to short term memory loss or early onset dementia, or something far more innocuous, like Dissociative Identity Disorder, which does tend to flare up about this time every year. Anyways, seeing that the article was Breaking News, and as I am bound by the sacred laws of the journalistic code to relay this to my 32 readers, all of whom are likely myself, of this important, life changing, and time sensitive information along with a heap of unrequested and gratuitous editing, to get it juuuuuust right. (If you could see me now you'd notice the tip of my tongue sticking out of the corner of my mouth, or, if you have pilfered the IP address of my webcam, you are watching me do this in real time as you read, you sick voyeuristic fuck.)

Would I steer you wrong, you ask? Well, consider the tale of the boy who cried wolf, it was made for this occasion. There is a fucking wolf about to eat this article if you don't read it right now, no kidding, an actual, living, breathing wolf. This is why your parents told you this story when you were five to relate to you the tried and true moral of "kids suck and should routinely have their intestines ravenously devoured by carnivorous animals as they cry for their mommy while she and the townspeople look on laughing heartily and throwing rotten fruit and generally encouraging the wolf on and petting it and trying to get its number and then going back to the bar and getting too drunk and vomiting all over the new couch and end up getting kicked out of the house and getting a divorce and becoming an alcoholic just to more richly appreciate the irony of it all."

I don't remember if that is actually how the story ends, but I've done a cursory search of my brain and that is what it reported back, after it called me an asshole, psssh, she's the asshole, you know. This is journalism at its finest, but, if you don't already, you should really take everything I say as gospel, or if you're not religious, as you would take a four foot high stack of gold bars just outside the dumpster of a millionaire with long, brittle yellow finger nails, or if you're not materialistic, as the combined enlightenment of all the Buddhas that ever were or will be both on earth and throughout this universe and other universes, should they exist. Onward, you're wasting time reading all this, hurry up, tick tock, tick tock! You're nearly dead already! Fuck:

Posted by Anthony D. Cataldo on December 01, 2010 and filed under Finance. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 9.0. You can leave a response or track-back to this entry from you're site

Many sites showcase people making as much as $300+ a day working online from home on their computer using Google.

Many sites showcase people making as much as $300+ a day working online from home on their computer using Google.

  SUN VALLEY, Idaho - Is working from home the next gold rush? Yes! Working from home is just as profitable as selling your home and all your possessions, leaving all your family and friends behind, crossing the width of a continent via a rolling box drawn by farting animals, finding a vein of gold with a friend you met at a trading post, then killing that friend so you can get all the gold yourself, returning and then taking a pickaxe to the ground and physically pulling out handfuls of gold, taking them to the store and arguing with the clerk when they won't accept fool's gold as currency only to die outside in the dust from a bout of cholera you got from dirty well water. Seriously, it's more profitable, do the math, really.

 For Katie Matthews it sure is. Fuck yeah it is, this bitch knows how to get down, if you know what I mean, heh, heh, heh. Katie, a mother from Orlando, Florida is thriving, in the middle of an economic recession working in the comfort of her own home, vowing never again to see sunlight.

 "I earn on average about $25 for every link I post on Google and I make around $8,700 a month right now" says Matthews, coyly brushing a lobe of neck fat over her shoulder.

  But Katie’s life wasn’t always so prosperous. Her recent employer, a well-known insurance agency, did some downsizing and let her go like an old, unwanted dog, took her out a few miles outside of town in the station wagon and kicked her out and said, "GET! Get ot 'a herr, ya' gotdang crazy mutt! We ain't love ya naw more, *sniff, sob* get outta here, 'fore ah make ye, GET! *sniff, sniff, sob, lights a cigarette*"

 Her husband James now became their only source of income and seminal fluid, which they both knew they couldn’t live on. That is why Katie took the job at the insurance agency to begin with. They needed extra money and they needed it fast, to send their kids to college so they could become engineers in order to build a machine which will continually shovel food into the maws of their parents, gaping like blubbery, newborn robins, eternally screaming unless supplied with a constant flow of malnutrition.

 Katie’s family had 3 choices. She could either look for another job in her industry (but in these tough economic times, she knew that was a long shot. Times sure are tough these days, real... tough. Hard times nowadays, shit, man I don't know what to tell ya, things'll get better... oh fuck it all just fuck it all we both know its not true, the Chinese empire will rule over us all with their iron fist.) Or her husband could take night classes and try to get a promotion at work. But that too would take too much time. And where would they get the money for school? Or she could take the bull by the horns, so to speak, emulate Medea and personally and bloodily euthanize her two children and husband, cackling maniacally, and then find steady work doing odd-jobs, selling potions and generally making use of her knowledge of witchcraft.

 Katie says, “I was in tears one Saturday night because things were getting tough, real tough, like just really tough and hard and stuff and we couldn’t even afford to take the kids out to dinner like we do every Saturday night to point and laugh at the big plasma screens showing video of starving African children. The kids asked why we weren’t going out and we had to try and explain to them that times were tough as their Uncle Charlie's balls. "Don't think we don't know about that, kids," we said, "Even though old Charlie likes to tell you it's your special secret time together, he compensates us handsomely for the privilege." I don’t think they understood. They just stared at us with their big, dumb, rabbit eyes and pissed and shat themselves, it's hard raising adolescents, you know. That’s when I knew I had to take matters into my own hands and find a solution for my family.”

 That’s when Katie found an advert on how to signup for Home Online Jobs Computer Internet Jobs Home of Work Things Place Money Giver Service for Work Jobs Home Internet Work Home Job.


 "I read the ad, and at first I was skeptical because they said you will get paid over $300 a day and that seemed like a lot of money to me. That's better than hookin' money. But I suspended my disbelief and refastened my suspenders and got started."

She started making money right away and she got her first week’s paycheck of $2,100.

 “This was more money than I used to make in a month,” Katie adds. "It was a lot of money, tons of money and I was making it, rolling in the stuff, this job truly made me a lot of money, money, did I mention money? I make a lot of it. At this job," she also added.

Home Online Jobs Computer Internet Jobs Home of Work Things Place Money Giver Service for Work Jobs Home Internet Work Home Job is a risk free course that can teach anyone, regardless of computer skill level to start making money online at their home work internet computer work jobs.

 For those who have seen the “make money online scams” Katie warns that, while they do exist, Home Online Jobs Computer Internet Jobs Home of Work Things Place Money Giver Service for Work Jobs Home Internet Work Home Job is one of the only ones she found that is backed and uses a $billion dollar publicly traded company, like Google, ever heard of it?

Katie shared her tips for how she got started. Following the simple steps below is all you need to do to get started:

 Step 1: Go to Home Online Jobs Computer Internet Jobs Home of Work Things Place Money Giver Service for Work Jobs For Make Home Internet Work Home Job, fill out the basic form to see if they have positions available in your area.

Step 2: Follow the directions on Home Online Jobs Computer Internet Jobs Home of Work Things Place Money Person Giver for Work Jobs Home Internet Work Home Job that shows you how to and set up a Google account, have you heard of it? Then they will give you the website links to post. Start posting those website links. Post up them links, that's what I'm talking about, post it niiiiiice and slooow, damn these honey's is some fine posting bitches, look at them posting that posting that posting that posting that posting that posting that posting that ass. The system tracks everything. Everything. EVERYTHING.

 "I really hope people take advantage of this, its good to finally see someone using a large company to make money online and help people like me" says Matthews

So do I, Matthews, so. do. I. Matthews.

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