This Post Pertains to YOU, if you are from that enchanted storybookland called NEDERLAND

If you're reading this (check) and you're from Nederland, you're probably sipping on a freshly rolled spliff cut with some choice tobacco, that is, whenever you're not taking long, languid drags off your coffee cup as you sit in plain view of policemen who are standing in the street trying to help some American sorority girl tourists bearing Chinatown Gucci bags and sunglasses find some government subsidized heroin. You look past this scene across the street, where a cinema's scrolling LED screen notifies you that Lars von Trier's Dogville and Manderlay will be shown back to back, with an exclusive new preview of his upcoming film Melancholia, as is customary for any Thursday. Also, you can expect the now commonplace courtesy provided by every competitive movie theater in the country, which is that all screenings are book ended by von Trier's masterpiece Antichrist, shown in full. You almost wretch with polite snickering laughter as some Pineapple Express-looking loser foreigner kids walk sheepishly into your coffee shop and ask the barista, "Like, is it really cool to buy weed here dude? Seriously, for real like?" After finally convincing them, they buy a pound of the cheapest of the shittiest shitty shit weed from her, roll a single, thin joint, pass it around the nine of them, and promptly green-out, slumping over their table with malevolent docility. Luckily for the proprietors, they all are afflicted with dry mouth, which spares those patient folk from having to wipe up the drool which would have surely pooled on the table and taken on the familiar forms of unaimed, slapdash ejaculate.

Yet all is well, perfect really, and so you stub out your coffee mug on the counter and swirl the dregs of your spliff in the air and polish off the last quarter inch in one quick shot. You wish you could go to your job, but you're on paid vacation again, drat! There is an old American saying which I think you will find quite useful on this occasion, "When life gives you lemons, shit, why do I have all these goddamn fucking lemons!?!!! I'm fuckin' starvin' where uh mah nacho cheeze do-ri-toes at, Ma? Maa? MAAAAAAAAA!!?"

But in all seriousness, if you're from Nederland, or even just close by, please comment on this post, or shoot me an email (electricmonk500 {upon} gmail [common punctuation mark] c o m), and let me in on the Amsterdam down low. Possible I will send you something cool in the mail, if you will trust me with your address, which you shouldn't.

First come, first serve, honor system etc. etc. GO!

Also, you should read this lovely book if you haven't already, you have, haven't you? I knew it, you guys are the best!