Invocation:
Every day-to-day the same old, same old.
Follow these simple steps to live on carefree.
Happiness through comprehensive control.
CONTROL.
CONTROL.
Hello all, now, in the interest of time I'm just going to launch straight into the material, trial by fire, it's the only way. It'll be painful till you get used to the pacing, but then again it'll be a lot more painful if you don't learn the material fast enough, every second counts, quickly, quickly:
MORNING:
Wake up silently and/or with use of a personal alarm, more on this later.
DON'T MOVE, IF THEY ARE EVER GOING TO ASSASSINATE YOU IT WILL BE WHILE THEY THINK YOU ARE ASLEEP.
Don't trust me though, here's an expert opinion: "Assassins 'er cowards, not big shot tough guys like in tha movies, pfft, you think that shit's real, have I got news for you, son! Real big shot tough guys get theirs real soon, real ugly, trust me. Ain't no Schwarzeneggerses goin' round killin' folks, terminator style, it's lill wiry pale faces who killed cats fer fun in grade school, tortured more like. Entisoshal Persunalidy Disurder, ever heard of it? Turn on you real quick fer a thumbtack they fancy and capreeshous too. Would wire ya thirty grand, just to take thirty grand and five dollas from ya, but like as not to take a whole lot more. What's a mind like that think? Well, what's a hyener think like when it gits itself kicked frum its cackle, an not no dumb hyener, a reeeeeeeal thinker. Them two's kissin' cousins, near enough on the family tree might as well be the same species, dog-thing and man-thing, they'd fuck for sure if they could, a pity the offspring'd be infertile, not that I'd want ta cross paths with one, but jus' ta see it do it's thing, beautiful, in it's converluted mashinashuns, crystallin' seeds uv entrupy ready ta grow, real quick, fractul destruction like crack's in yer windshield growin' out a control. Mull that one over real slow Tonto, savor the juices."
SOURCE: To remain anonymous by request.
Back on task, you! What kind of attention is that? GO GO GO GO! GO GO! GO GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!
Thus, I give you the Silent Vibrating Personal Alarm (SVPA, pronounced essveepeehye), hardwired and wirelessly connected to all the motion detectors (to prevent either the physical cutting of the wire, or the use of jamming frequencies, separate from your own jamming frequencies of course, from disabling your system. Always backup the backup ad infinitum, that's my mantra, never forget it). So I keep my SVPA under my pillow instead of my gun, which has been moved to a holster on my right side for even swifter access, 2.34 seconds last drill. I sleep on my left side in slight echo of the fetal position. There are many schools of thought on the subject of sleep position, there are good arguments for flat-on-the-back (FOTB), personally, I go for comfort. Anyway, upon waking, either by the natural sleep cycle or from the activation of the SVPA follow this procedure precisely:
1: Open left eye slightly, ever so slightly, so it still looks closed;
and do it swiftly so it looks like those innocent flutterings through the veil of sleep.
2: Right eye, repeat.
Everything clear? No intruders? Well, I've got news for you, buddy, Mr. Careless here, that's just the warm-up!
3: Move head approximately 3-5 degrees in a random direction, as if turning in the midst of a powerful dream. Now Repeat steps 1-2, until your immediate perimeter is secure and make it look natural, or you're dead, one mistake one day is all it takes, all it takes. No mistakes. No mistakes. No mistakes. Precision. Precision. Precision.
[From the Editor: Notice his excitement extruding like the spines of a threatened sea urchin, feeling about sightlessly for the source of the irritation, though it is nothing but random currents passing by, or quite friendly, even symbiotic species slipping a fin too close for comfort. See the entry for Defense Mechanisms in your reference book.]
Let's get a few things straight before we really get started:
Women callers: Now generally speaking I don't trust women ever, because they are genetically hardwired for deception (see: your own mother). I don't think this one needs much explaining. Now, some come from the perspective that a body has to ejaculate into something warm and alive and willing every-so-often. Not so. Case in point: I haven't had time to be horny in years. Sex is a luxury, and a poor one at that; boring, monotonous and unproductive (except in the reproductive sense, but that's in a thirty steps backward, none forward sort of way.) But if you won't be persuaded to avoid them altogether, certainly kick them out before morning hours. "Do not slumber with the she-wolf, though she be gentle before sleep," as the Nagob'yai of the upper Amazon say with their sharp whistles and wide, knowing, unblinking eyes.NEXT.
Men: I'm certainly not calling you a homosexual, but if you are... good luck, brother. They make me uneasy even though there's no harm intended, I think. "They call 'em queers fer a reason," noted one of my survivalist back woods acquaintances. Now generally speaking I don't trust men ever, since constant exposure to testosterone enhances the fight or flight response and increases irritability to dangerous levels, often inciting alpha male syndrome and the urge for competitive displays to "woo" potential mates and, concurrently, to decrease the desirability of other males.
*Special Note* Also be wary of transvestites undergoing hormone therapy. Just as dangerous, maybe more, unpredictable.
But both gender subtypes of homo sapiens sapiens should never be looked at straight in the eye, except under very special circumstances, which are as follows:
1: In the case of some violent physical displays. These displays are part of the mating ritual and are most often purely choreographed for the benefit of potentially ovulating female onlookers. Now, often times a male in this situation, often inebriated (as it is also the custom of this species to court each other solely while under the influence of fermented grains or fruit juices), will make loud sharp bellowing noises at anything which might be offending it, possibly because it sports a superior phallus, or otherwise has been judged as more virile. If the male has visible fore arm muscles and is hairless, this is most often the case. Such an individual builds up muscle mass to attract females and discourage potential fights. Roughly 95% of them are cowards and/or don't know how to fight and/or have never had to fight and/or are secret homosexuals, even to themselves, and/or will be too bulky to strike quickly and effectively. Do not be afraid, bellow back louder noises, but be sure not to reference either his females or his reproductive organs, such a statement will be taken as a formal challenge that must be met to maintain "honor" and/or "dignity." Simply stand your ground and ready your grip to draw the most deadly weapon you have available, should things get out of hand. Most often they will back down. In the case of Law Enforcement, or members of the armed forces, particularly Marines, this advice does not hold, such individuals are acclimated to the effects of adrenaline, even addicted to it and as such will not hesitate to engage in physical combat. Strike to kill, or run, in that order.
2: In the case of submissive, weak willed individuals. With a little practice, one can use strong, constant eye contact to hypnotize susceptible types, or, if that doesn't work, as a way to increase empathic response in the target. Look it up at your local library.
PLEASE CLOSE YOUR BOOKS AND STOP THE TAPE. THIS CONCLUDES LECTURE ONE. EVERYTHING COVERED WILL BE ON THE EXAMS, WHICH ARE BOTH COMPREHENSIVE AND CUMULATIVE.
Stay vigilant.
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