absurdsense

"ok everybody, ok, ok, ok, let's just be level-headed here... if we burn him first then we miss out on the disemboweling and I know nobody wants to leave here without some disemboweling of Chinese-Pakistani pseudo-Marxists vegan guerrillas. Demons descended down the cataracts to kidnap the young philosopher, who, like Descartes before him, could never determine if the phantoms were real or merely opiate-induced hallucinations. He tried to bargain with them. "Hey, trippy shit, I'll trade you this cat with feline leukemia for a KFC double down. " The hallucinations were like "aw, fuck that, KFC's expensive. Want same crack? I got that." crack'll make you shit 'cho self 'n make you think the moon is falling on your soul. But fuck that, crack's whack. "What I got in this bag's better than that," he whispered suddenly to the alien broad he was trying to seduce, but he had bigger fish to fry right now becasue he realized that her sexiest orifice might also be the most taboo" according to Freud, who fondled himself with the detached hand of his mother's corpse (he had cleverly switched her body with that of a streetwalker) "You guys remember the Questia online library?" NostalgicNerd1994 IM'd his buddy in Clear Lake He was all like "Andrew W. K. gets me so fucked up. I just can't help it. " And I was like dude man bro, I KNOW!" Then I blocked him 'cause he's a fucking asshole. Sentient beings made of liquid light congealed me onto their ship, dissected my scrotum, and told me it was a perfect specimen of the human race. I never got it back, and that said great great grandfather, is the story of the most intellectually stimulating rimjob I ever received.